I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes