last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
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I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.