I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom