I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"