They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.