You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.