i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.