She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.