too bad you live with your parents still
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra