I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!