you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize