Where did you get a picture of my penis
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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