I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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