Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
