True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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