Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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