I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
