I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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