there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
