I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize