Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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