I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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