So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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