Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
