my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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