it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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