you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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