if only i could text you this smell
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
