dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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