You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
