I intend to get homeless drunk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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