Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
