the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You've changed since you got that strap on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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