So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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