And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
