I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
