Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
