it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
