That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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