i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
