That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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