Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize