its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
