singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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