Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
pray to the hookup gods
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
