marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
