nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
