I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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