i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
