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so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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