It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville