at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.