alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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