the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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