i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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