it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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