I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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