Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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