I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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