Already got asked if we're dating
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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