Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
